Barney Miller

1975 - 1982

Chronicles tales of quirky criminals, comedic capers, dramatic stand-offs, and heartwarming moments that take place in the squad room of the 12th precinct in New York City, led by the clever and compassionate Captain Barney Miller.

Stars: Hal Linden, Ron Glass, Max Gail, Steve Landesberg, Ron Carey, Jack Soo, Abe Vigoda, James Gregory, Gregory Sierra, Barbara Barrie
Created by: Danny Arnold, Theodore J. Flicker
Tags: cops, workplace

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Episode Tropes

Season 1

We Were Robbed: Episode 7, "Bureaucrat" (1975). Chano's apartment is robbed, and he arrests a 12-year-old boy for the crime.
Fear of Flying: Episode 7, "Bureaucrat" (1975). A bureaucrat is arrested for public drunkenness, and explains that he drinks because he's afraid of flying, so whenever he has to fly somewhere, he gets drunk.

Season 2

Grave Mistake: Episode 8, "Discovery" (1977). Fish doesn't receive his paycheck because the department has declared him dead.
Surprise Delivery: Episode 15, "Happy New Year" (1976). On New Year's Eve, a pregnant woman is arrested for shoplifting and goes into labor in the squad room. The streets are too jammed to get a doctor there in time, and since Wojo once delivered a baby while he was a Marine in Vietnam, he volunteers to deliver the baby.
Found Money: Episode 17, "Fear of Flying" (1976). A man finds a briefcase containing $3,500 in cash and turns it into the precinct. After no one claims the money for 30 days, he returns in episode 21, "The Kid," to retrieve it.
Fear of Flying: Episode 17, "Fear of Flying" (1976). When Wojo is assigned to escort a prisoner to Cleveland, he reveals Barney that he's afraid to fly. Harris gives him a copy of the book, Fear of Flying, and when Wojo reads it on the plane, he's so distracted that he forgets all about his fear.
Rorschach Test: Episode 20, "The Psychiatrist" (1976). When a suspect complains that Wojo threatened his life, a psychiatrist comes to the precinct to interview everyone. Part of the interview involves a rorschach test.
Under the Knife: Episode 22, "The Mole" (1976). Fish has never had surgery in his life, and he has been refusing one particular operation for 18 years He doesn't explicitly state what it is, but he implies that it involves an inflamed hemorrhoid, but under pressure from his doctor, Bernice, and the pain in his backside, he's finally considering getting the procedure.

Season 3

Quarantine: Episodes 2-3, "Quarantine" (1976). When a world traveller with an unknown illness collapses in the squad room, the whole precinct is put under quarantine, and everyone who's in the building has to stay there overnight with no air conditioning during a heat wave.
The Recluse: Episode 7, "The Recluse" (1976). The cops arrest a recluse for not appearing for jury duty, thus forcing him to leave his house for the first time in 30 years.
Insomnia: Episode 9, "Power Failure" (1976). Fish hasn't been able to sleep for days, and all the other cops have suggestions to help him.
We Said No Gifts: Episode 10, "Christmas Story" (1976). It's Christmas Eve, and the detectives of the 12th precinct decided they wouldn't buy each other gifts this year, but Wojo went out and bought some for everyone anyway. Fish is so offended by the gesture that he runs out and buys gifts too just to spite him.
Surprise Prostitute: Episode 10, "Christmas Story" (1976). Nick falls for a woman whose purse was stolen and asks her out. Before she arrives for their date, Wojo tells Nick she's a prostitute.
Magic Brownies: Episode 11, "Hash" (1976). Wojo brings in some brownies his new girlfriend baked, and when he, Harris, Yemana, and Fish eat some, they start to act funny. A lab test finds that the brownies are loaded with marijuana.
Giving Things Up Competition: Episode 13, "Community Relations" (1977). Yemana (ironically) bets Harris that he can go without gambling longer than Harris can go without smoking.
I Won't Go: Episode 13, "Community Relations" (1977). An old man refuses to leave his apartment when the building is about to be torn down. When he pulls out a gun, the landlord asks Barney for help getting him out.
Sure, I'll Join Your Cult: Episode 16, "Abducted" (1977). A couple asks the cops for help rescuing their daughter from a cult/organic restaurant. When Barney explains that he can't help them, they try to abduct their daughter from the cult and get arrested.
Moonlighting: Episode 18, "Moonlighting" (1977). Harris gets a night job at a hotel to help fund his extravagant lifestyle, and he's so exhausted he's asleep on his feet.
On Strike: Episodes 21-22, "Strike" (1977). Most of the cops at the 12th precinct called out sick to protest unacceptable working conditions (except Fish, who is actually sick), and Harris, Deitrich, Wojo, and Yemana walk out at noon in solidarity, leaving Barney alone with Levitt and Inspector Luger.

Season 4

Walt Disney: Episode 11, "Atomic Bomb" (1977). A woman comes to the precinct for help because she says her husband wants to be frozen for 100 years, but he doesn't want to wait until he dies. He wants to do it while he's still alive.
Erotic Bakery: Episode 13, "The Ghost" (1978). The cops get a complaint about a "pornographic bakery." Yemana investigates and comes back with a box of offensive pastries as evidence.
I Won't Go: Episodes 16-17, "Eviction" (1978). The tenants of a condemned hotel refuse to leave because they have nowhere else to go, so the owner asks the police to help him evict them. The tenants plan to stand their ground against an onslaught of cops, but Barney tries to convince them not to for their own safety while he scrambles to find new homes for them.
Amnesia: Episodes 16-17, "Eviction" (1978). A woman with amnesia is taken to the police station, and she and Deitrich become very close while he tries to help her find out who she is. When he finally discovers her identity, he's disappointed to learn that she's a nun.
Limp Willy: Episode 18, "Wojo's Problem" (1978). Wojo is not quite himself because he's having trouble getting it up with his girlfriend.
Barenakedlady: Episode 19, "Quo Vadis?" (1978). A woman demands that an art gallery take a nude painting out of their window. When they refuse, she vandalizes the painting by throwing paint on it and is subsequently arrested. When Barney sees the painting, he realizes that she wants to get rid of it because it's a portrait of her.
What a Dummy: Episode 20, "Hostage" (1978). A ventriloquist is arrested for assaulting a woman, but he claims his dummy is the guilty one.
Hostage Situation: Episode 20, "Hostage" (1978). An armed robbery suspect and his brother hold everyone in the squad room hostage in an attempt to keep the robber from going back to prison.
Performance Evaluations: Episode 21, "Evaluation" (1978). Barney is evaluating the detectives of the 12th precinct, and no one can hold back their anxiety and curiosity about them. When Barney finally hands them out, everyone nitpicks what he said.
Close Encounter: Episode 22, "The Sighting" (1978). Wojo claims he saw a spaceship while he was driving home from his girlfriend's place, and it stunned him so much he was late for work.

Season 5

Dying to Die: Episode 13, "The Indian" (1979). An elderly Native American man is arrested for trespassing in a restricted area of the park, and he says he went there to die.
Lie Detector: Episode 14, "Voice Analyzer" (1979). A series of articles about cops taking bribes has Scanlon on a witch hunt. He insists on interviewing the detectives of the 12th precinct with a new kind of lie detector that supposedly analyzes the stress in a person's voice.
You Saved My Life: Episode 21, "Identity" (1979). Just as a suspect is about to shoot Harris, Deitrich knocks the gun out of his hand, saving Harris's life, and Harris is irritated by the debt he feels he owes Deitrich. Harris pesters Deitrich throughout the day, trying to give him something to pay him back, but Deitrich doesn't want anything and insists he was just doing his job.
Witness Protection: Episode 21, "Identity" (1979). The cops arrest a thief who turns out to be in the Witness Protection Program, and sending him to jail could cost him his life, so they try to convince his victim to drop the charges.

Season 6

Kidney Transplant: Episode 3, "Vacation" (1979). Two brothers are arrested for fighting in a doctor's waiting room, and the detectives soon discover it's because one of them needs a kidney transplant, and the other doesn't want to donate his.
Going Co-op: Episode 12, "People's Court" (1980). Barney's apartment building is going condo, so he's scrambling to try to scrounge up the money to buy his apartment before he has to leave.
Baby Daddy: Episodes 13-14, "Vanished" (1980). A woman is arrested for solicitation after she asks random men in a bar if they would donate their sperm to her so she can have a baby. Once at the precinct, Deitrich, Wojo, and Levitt all compete to be selected as her future baby daddy.

Season 7

Contempt: Episodes 15-16, "Contempt" (1981). Barney refuses to name an informant in court and gets cited for contempt and sent to jail.
Rainmaker: Episode 21, "The Rainmaker" (1981). Deitrich and Wojo arrest a man for starting a bonfire in Washington Square, and the man explains that he's a rainmaker, and he was hired by the city to make it rain.

Season 8

You are Not the Father: Episode 1, "Paternity" (1981). Wojo is sued for child support, but it becomes clear he's not the father when he discovers he's sterile.
My Boys Can't Swim: Episode 1, "Paternity" (1981). When Wojo is hit with a paternity suit, he gets tested and finds out he's sterile because his sperm don't "wiggle" like they're supposed to.
Mail-order Bride: Episode 5, "Stress Analyzer" (1981). Inspector Luger asked Barney to write some letters to a few prospective mail-order brides for him, but he's not happy with how Barney made him sound.
Mail-order Bride: Episode 14, "The Arrival" (1982). Luger's mail-order bride from the Philippines turns up at the precinct to get married, and Luger has second thoughts.

Character Tropes

Mild Mannered Man-child: Stan "Wojo" Wojciehowicz - Played by Max Gail.
Brainiac: Arthur Deitrich - Played by Steve Landesberg.
Bitch on Wheels: Leon Roth - Played by Ralph Manza.